Yesterday was Josh's surgery to remove his kidney stones. The urologist had to go in through the abdomen to make the attempt to get rid of the stones and end Josh's pelvic agony. We've known that Josh has kidney stones and a pelvic kidney since college. He's had multiple attempts to remove all the stones. They've never been 100% effective, but they've given him some relief except for the surgery before Ethan was born.
At around 2 o'clock yesterday, when I was expecting the surgeon to call me and tell me how the surgery went, the phone rang. The surgeon was calling to tell me not that the surgery was successful but to ask me a question. Would I give my permission to remove the kidney? The kidney was really small and really difficult to operate on. They thought they could get all the stones but they saw the formation of lots of other stones. This surgery was a once in a lifetime surgery and they only way to remove Josh's stones. In a year or two from now, he had have stones again and this surgery wouldn't be an option. Removing the kidney was Josh's best option for possibly being stone and pain free. I agreed to the surgeon's recommendation.
Josh and I had discussed the removal always as a joke. Wouldn't it be great if they'd just remove the troublesome kidney? Ha ha. The surgeon had always told us this wasn't an option. He would never remove a kidney even if it only contributed 30%. I found myself making a life decision for my husband without being able to discuss it with him. I felt weird making the decision that Josh will live out the rest of his life with one kidney.
I hope I made the right decision. I hope Josh understands why I made it. I hope Josh agrees with my decision and doesn't resent me or is angry with me. I made the decision because I thought this was the best chance he had to feel like his old self.
I love you Josh!
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Of course you made the right decision and I'm glad you did it, regardless of whether or not it solves my pain issues. I'm very hopeful that it will and that you've saved me a lot of potential future stone pain.
My single regret is that the burden at home is falling on your shoulders for the next month because of this surgery, and I can't seem to make you see how much it hurts me to see you have to do everything yourself.
I know you're feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and probably a little helpless, too, and I don't know what I can do to make it any better other than say that hopefully when this is over you can have 100% of me again instead of the shadow-Josh you've been living with for the last year-plus.
I love you too, Tigerlily!
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