The only adult

E's Dad is off to Panama for the week. He is a travel writer and gets to go to cool places. Pre Munchie I sometimes got to go with him, and we would have so much fun -- not just because it was pretty much free either.

This is his first trip since E was born, and therefor, the first time I'll be alone for an extended amount of time. I'll miss him like I always do when he travels, but I will really miss his help with E. I don't know how single Mothers do it. It is hard taking care of a baby and you need a break and adult conversation.

I think I need to start instituting a more regular nap schedule for E. Bear. My current methodology is to let him nap whenever he falls asleep on me. But this makes it hard for his Nanas when they watch him, and I'm sure it isn't fair for him to fall asleep on my lap because he is purely exhausted and Mommy missed all the earlier cues. Right now he will literally just fall asleep sitting up and then I say, "oh, I guess you are tired." He naps every 2-3 hours he is awake. I'm going to start trying to get him to nap at regular times every day rather than the current haphazard method.

101 Days

Mr. Munchie has been out in the world for 101 days! He has undergone (medically) so much, grown a ton, and developed so quickly in such a short amount of time. He looks and acts so different than he did as a newborn.

His personality is coming out more and more. He has to be the center of your attention and he gets very mad if he isn't. Case in point, yesterday I was typing an email while sitting next to him on the floor and he knew I wasn't giving him my complete attention and he started to cry. As soon as I would look at him he would stop, but the minute I started typing again the water works would start.

He is really into looking around now. He likes to look at picture books. He could care less about the story but he loves to look at the pictures and bang on the book with his hand. I read "Barnyard Dance" 3xs yesterday. We had dinner at the mall last night and he just took it all in. He really likes to look at the food on your plate when he is sitting on your lap. One of these days he's going to make a grab for it. Unfortunately he also likes to watch tv, which makes watching the Red Sox difficult. We really don't want him staring at the screen but he will swivel his head to see the tv even after you change his position so he isn't looking at the tv.

Laughing

Munchie laughed today. He was on my leg playing airplane and he just kept looking down at me and laughing and smiling. It was really sweet. It was the first time I heard him really laugh because he was having a good time. He's still not interested in rolling. I keep rolling him and sometimes he enjoys it and sometimes he cries. I think he is strong enough to do it. We'll just keep practicing.

Today was our last Mommy and Baby group at the hospital. I really enjoyed it in the beginning when I was learning how to take care of E because it normalized what was going on. But we soon outgrew it when I didn't need the affirmation that E wasn't the only one in the world who did X, Y, and Z. It was nice to be able to give advice to the Moms with newborns. I would have liked to go to the older baby group but it is on Thursdays when I work.

Today I left my favorite pink fleece behind at the hospital. When I went back for it after lunch it was gone. I've had that fleece since our trip to Switzerland. I shall miss it.

Happy Father's Day

E gave his Daddy a weed whacker and work gloves for his Daddy's first Father's Day. We bought the gloves on the Cape a couple of weeks ago and the weed whacker on Wednesday. We had a busy Father's day. He started off the morning early. Unfortunately, he was naughty and didn't let his Daddy sleep in. He woke his Dad up around 5 am. Mommy has a tremendous ability to just not hear him. Oops. I can pretty much sleep through anything, but I seem to wake up when he is hungry for whatever reason, but not when he is just awake. In the afternoon we went to Grumpa and Nana's for a cookout/pool party. It was really hot, and I didn't bring my suit, which I regretted. The cousins all seemed to enjoy the pool. Poor E was just too warm. We ended up sitting inside for a bit.

His new talent is to grab his feet and roll over onto his side. He still isn't rolling front to back. He is really working his tummy muscles now that he can grab his feet. I think he'll start rolling in the next week or two.

Yesterday, Papa, Nana, and cousin T came over for a cookout. We had fun playing bocci ball. We had T wear his bike helmet so he didn't get brained running about while we were bowling. Much fun was had by all.

Other 3 month pictures

Working Girl

So I went back to work on Friday and E., Dad, Nana, and I all survived. E. took 3 bottles and I managed to pump and talk about my baby without crying. The train ride was nice. I actually got some reading in for my board exam.

Not much going on this week. E had his 3 month old pics taken yesterday. Father's Day is this Sunday so E and I have some errands to run today since I work the rest of the week.

3 months old

Where does the time go? E. is 12 weeks old today, and I am returning to work on Friday. He is such a fabulous baby. Things he can do: suck his thumb, coo, make razzing noises with his tongue, shake his rattle, sleep 8 hours at night, sleep on his back in his cradle, pull a string attached to a balloon, bat at toys over head, follow me as I walk by, push up with his arms during tummy time, hold his head straight when on my shoulder, smile, and tell me stories. I wish he would stop spitting up so much, and he has started coughing again during his sleep. Poor little guy. My wish is for his reflux to get better so we can get rid of the machine, and he will be able to keep all his hard won food in his tummy. Sometimes he gets so frustrated after spitting up.

This weekend was pretty low key. We went for 2 morning walks, a plant sale at Long Hill, visited Nana and Grumpa, mowed the lawn, studied cancer syndromes, and hung out.

E. is currently napping in his car seat. His Dad is off having his deviated septum repaired. I feel guilty leaving him at the hospital for his surgery. I wouldn't like it if it was me, but he repeatedly said he was okay with me and E. to go home and return at 1 to pick him up.

Work

I thought I had worked out a sweet part-time job in the research lab I used to work in before graduate school. I contacted my old boss in February before E's arrival, and he had a project in mind for me etc. I contacted him at the end of April and he still seemed keen on having me back. I then contacted him last week to firm up the details and he tells me he needs a week to think about it. Then yesterday he tells me it isn't going to work out because he just hired a new fellow, but maybe in 3-4 months. I feel like I was misled and strung along.

So what do I do now? Go back to my old job where my boss doesn't speak with me and both of my friends are now gone after quitting their jobs? Go back to a place with a bad work environment? Is it up to me to determine what I should do with my 16 hours a week and what I should drop?I don't even care about what I was doing there. I want to try being a full-time genetic counselor but I don't want to put E in full time day care at 3 months either, maybe when he is 2 or 3 but then we will probably be on our way to baby #2. I'll never get a job if I'm pregnant. Then it will be another 2-3 years, and my skills will have fallen by the wayside and no one will want to hire me after 6 years. Should I just become a fulltime mother and forget about my 18 years of schooling, which is hard to do when paying off school loans until I'm 80? Am I being overly dramatic? Lots of babies go into fulltime daycare and do just fine, but I will miss him. But he won't be my baby forever. Who will I be when he is 18 and goes off to college if I don't have a career?

Hubby says not to let money be a factor in my decision, and my contribution to the family will not be monetary, which is very kind. But let's be honest I like to buy things and go out to eat and go on vacation and shop at Whole Foods, etc. All things that would be easier to justify the expense if I also made money.

But do I really want someone else to raise my child? Will he be stimulated enough? Will someone at daycare cuddle him all day like me (mainly because he has suddenly become adverse to napping in his craddle)? Will he be left to cry all alone in a crib? Just thinking about it makes me cry. Bleck, tearing up over a blog entry.

I guess that is my answer. I want E to feel nurtured and loved and I don't think a daycare will do it the way he likes. I guess I'm willing to sacrifice myself for that.

But this doesn't answer the question about my crappy job. I guess I will just go back and see how much it sucks. This saga is to be continued...