Lonely

One of the things that I found most shocking after becoming a Mom is the loneliness. I always thought it would be awesome not to have to go to work and just hang out at home. It is, however, incredibly lonely and isolating. I love taking care of and spending time with Munchie, but I get bored easily. I end up calling Munchie's Dad at work to give him baby updates throughout the day. (One of the reasons we went over our cell minutes last month. Oops!) I don't think his Dad likes to hear about all the trivial stuff like our cat ate our dinner (steak) that I had taken out to thaw or that Munchie is in his 3rd outfit of the day because he is super poopy today, but he humors me because he loves me and knows I'm lonely. Today I called everyone I know and chatted on the phone. (There goes all our cell minutes.) At one point I had my exhausted son strapped screaming in his carseat all ready to go somewhere, anywhere. I looked down and noticed his droopy eyes and just how exhausted he was, and I thought how insensitive I was being to him. So I unstrapped him and laid him in his cradle, where he is now sleeping much more comfortably than in his carseat. I'm on the bed with Lily, our kitty (not the steak eating one), and thinking about how I conduct my state of affairs.

I don't think it's loneliness, but the change of pace of my life. Instead of being busy with projects and meetings, I only have the demands of my son. His demands are food, sleep, keep him clean and safe, and play. He lives at a much slower pace than I did when I was working. At work all my time had to be filled up, and now it isn't scheduled up. Munchie takes long naps, his play time consists of smiling at himself in a mirror for 10-15 minutes. I think I'd like to learn to live my life like him. He doesn't need material things or constant excitment. A simple helium balloon entertained him.

I have right now what I've always dreamed of. I have a husband who loves me, whom I can talk with, and who laughs at my "jokes", and we have an awesome son. We live in a nice house, and my parents live close enough that I can see them whenever. I think I need to learn to live in the moment and to live slowly. Life shouldn't be go, go, go, what can I do now, but enjoying what I do have and my time with my guys.

My goal will be to slow down and enjoy just being with my family. How many times in my life will I not have an obligation to a job? No meetings, no deadlines, just living at the pace of a 2.5 month old.