Christmas 2007

Well, another Christmas is in the books and it is marked with the special headline of E. Bear's first Christmas. It started with Mr. Bear attempting to get us out of bed at 4:30 not because he was wicked excited for presents but because that is his normal 1st attempt at morning. We thwarted it by nursing and Josh shshed him and rubbed his tummy. We got an extra 3 hours of sleep! When Ethan awoke for the 2nd time we made our way downstairs. The tree was lit and the stockings were stuffed. Ethan was interested in the presents but still too young to pull paper off. He seemed to enjoy his presents. He really liked his breakfast of Acadian pancakes and bacon.

Aound noon we left for Lowell where we spent Christmas afternoon with my parents, brother, and his wife. We exchanged gifts and had a yummy Christmas dinner. Ethan enjoyed the stuffing, ham, and sweet potatoes.

Josh gave me comfy and warm pjs. He also gave me a scrabble crossword book, lots of stocking goodies, and a fleece jacket to wear over Ethan in his carrier. My parents gave me a much needed genetic counseling book, salad bowl and tongs, and a cd. My Mom made Ethan a gorgeous baby suit to stay all nice and toasty.

We got home around 6:30 and E bear went straight to bed. He was exhausted, as was I. I was in bed by 9 pm.

Date night

Josh and I try to go out on a date every 3 months. Which, if you do the math, means that this is our 3rd date in 9 months. Rather than go to a movie, we went to a Christmas concert in Boston and then out for dinner in Cambridge. The concert was really nice and it made me remember how much I enjoy live music, especially Celtic music. It gets your feet tapping and your hands clapping. Dinner was yummy. We went to Temple Bar on Mass Ave. An old favorite from when we lived in Cambridge.

We got all dressed up in new fancy outfits. I wore a slinky blue dress and Josh wore a jacket and tie (which he tied himself). Josh's parents babysat and they took pictures of us in front the Christmas tree. It felt like we were going to a prom. We were home by 9 and in bed by 10 and awake at 5:30 the next morning.

It felt nice to get out and not have to be responsible for a baby for a couple of hours. I even had a candy cane martini.

I'll post a picture of Josh and I when we next upload the pictures off the camera.

12 inches of snow

Run Mommy!

Daddy and Ethan

Yesterday it started snowing around noon and it didn't stop for 9 hours. I watched it out of my office window, but I got to play in it today. Ethan did okay until he wiped his face with his snow covered bear hand. Once we cleaned him off he seemed to enjoy himself in the sled.

December update

Time just flies by when your day is made up of playing with baby, laundry, cleaning and cooking. Throw in 2 jobs and all the events preparing for Christmas and all the time in the day is accounted for. I barely have time to watch a half hour of tv before it is bedtime.

We cut down our tree on Sunday and put it up yesterday. We went to a pretty cool tree farm in West Newbury. We bundled Ethan up and met my parents and Bogie at the farm. It was perfect weather -- crisp with a little snow on the ground. The farm was trying to clear a plot of land to replant so we got a discounted tree. It is a little crooked and sparse at the top, but with the lights and decorations it is perfect. The farm had sleds so you could drag your tree out, but we caught up with the tractor and loaded on our trees, dog, baby, and adults and rode back to our car in style. I made a yummy adobe chili, chocolate chili to warm us up.

Putting up the tree was the usual Josh and Penny excitement. Josh trimmed off the bottom, brought it in, and of course, it was still too tall. Out the tree went, more trimming, back in and still too tall. So Josh trimmed the top of the tree using one of our steak knives. Nothing says Christmas tree without lobbing off the top with one of our knives. A tradition we have been conducting since 2000 -- the year of the Christmas bush.

Ethan was amazed, scared, astonished at the tree once it was light and decorated. Ethan and the tree are separated by a large gate affectionately nicknamed Fort Ethan.

Speaking of Ethan, he had his 9 month check up on Tuesday. He is fine. His weight growth is down a little, which his pediatrician attributed to his being an active little guy crawling about. We will just have to feed the little E. bear more and he has been given the okay for table food and dairy. Last night he had italian turkey sausage and whole wheat penne straight off of Mommy's plate. He seemed to enjoy it.

Ethan meets Santa

Yesterday, we drove to Rowley to attend a Christmas party sponsored by the town's police department. Ethan met Santa, and he didn't even cry when plunked down on the jolly elf's lap. He was quite interested in the beard. We also did a little Christmas decoration shopping. We purchased a door swag, poinsettia, and other decorating stuff. It is really hard to find time to go shopping with an 8.5 month old, but we are trying.

Moving the mattress

Ethan this morning greeted me sitting up in his crib, griping the railing, and peering out over the railing. Uh oh, I thought, time to lower the mattress. We moved it down one spot, but I think it needs to go all the way down. No more bumper or mobile for the little Bear. Also I decided to try him in the big bathtub for bathtime tonight. I bathed him in his little tub inside of the bathtub, so he'd get used to the area. Next time I won't use the baby tub.

Ethan is having a lot of problems sleeping at night. He usually sleeps with me, but last night he kept plucking at my face and kicking me. At 3 I put him in his crib, and we let him cry until he fell asleep at 4. Josh talked softly to him and I picked him up a couple of times to calm him. Sleeping is such a problem. I wish I knew which philosophy to follow and which will help Ethan develop healthy sleep habits.

Ethan and I raked today. I wore him on my back in the Ergo. It worked out really well. He looked around, watched me, and dozed off for awhile. It was nice to get a major chore done and baby was happy the whole time. Plus it was in the 60s! Totally had to take advantage of the warm fall day.

Chores suck the fun out of the day

Where does the time go? I have so many chores that I just can't keep up with all of them. There are things that have to be done like preparing meals, feeding the cats. There are chores that can be ignored until you run out of something clean or the smell becomes noticeable like laundry, dishes, or baby. There are chores that if you ignore your neighbors will harbor resentment towards you like leaves. There are chores that if you don't do them things start growing like cleaning the bathroom. I try to prioritize what order I do the chores in, but they always pile up on me and then I start feeling overwhelmed like I should be running around at 100 mph or my carefully stacked house of cards will come tumbling down around me. Chores just aren't any fun no matter how you try to spin it. Listen to music while cleaning. hmph. You are still scrubbing dirt off of the bathtub while on your hands and knees. Music doesn't make it fun. Think of chores as a form of aerobic excersize. Nope that doesn't do it for me either. I just don't like to do them and I especially don't like to feel that my entire day is chores, chores, chores. So that's my rant. I'm off to throw laundry in the washer and clean the kitchen then go grocery shopping, more laundry. You get the picture.

Certified Genetic Counselor

I passed my board exams!!! I'm now a CGC. The sacrifice my family made this summer was worth it. Also my entire Mommy study group passed!

No nursing, no sleeping

Where did my sweet cuddly newborn who slept through the night at 6 weeks go? Ethan has been through alot lately with his Daddy being in the hospital, teeth popping through, a fever of 101.9 for a day, and Mommy gone from the house twice a week for 13 hours. He refuses to sleep through the night. I try to rock him back to sleep but an hour later he is screaming in his crib. Eventually, I just take him back to bed where he snuggles in and tries to nurse all night long. However, he's not really nursing, he is just soothing himself by sucking. Then during the day he refuses to nurse. It might be that he is just too busy, but I'm not sure. He nurses for 30 seconds and tries to situp and cries. I'm wondering if I'm going to get my period soon and my hormones are changing my milk. Whatever is going on I hope it ends soon. I enjoy nursing Ethan and I'm not ready to wean him. Plus he is supposed to nurse for at least one year. I still have 4 months to go! It seems that whatever I do lately results in him screaming at me. Change his diaper -- scream. Play with him -- scream. Feed him -- scream. Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe how I feel. I just wish I knew what to do for the little guy.

New talents

Ethan is just piling on the firsts this week. On Wednesday he clapped for the first time and he is really able to scoot around on his belly. When he is on the kitchen floor he scoots backwards on his belly by pushing with his hands. When he is on carpet he is able to get his knees under him and push forward like an inchworm.

I amazed every day at the addition of a new skill.

Josh's surgery

Yesterday was Josh's surgery to remove his kidney stones. The urologist had to go in through the abdomen to make the attempt to get rid of the stones and end Josh's pelvic agony. We've known that Josh has kidney stones and a pelvic kidney since college. He's had multiple attempts to remove all the stones. They've never been 100% effective, but they've given him some relief except for the surgery before Ethan was born.

At around 2 o'clock yesterday, when I was expecting the surgeon to call me and tell me how the surgery went, the phone rang. The surgeon was calling to tell me not that the surgery was successful but to ask me a question. Would I give my permission to remove the kidney? The kidney was really small and really difficult to operate on. They thought they could get all the stones but they saw the formation of lots of other stones. This surgery was a once in a lifetime surgery and they only way to remove Josh's stones. In a year or two from now, he had have stones again and this surgery wouldn't be an option. Removing the kidney was Josh's best option for possibly being stone and pain free. I agreed to the surgeon's recommendation.

Josh and I had discussed the removal always as a joke. Wouldn't it be great if they'd just remove the troublesome kidney? Ha ha. The surgeon had always told us this wasn't an option. He would never remove a kidney even if it only contributed 30%. I found myself making a life decision for my husband without being able to discuss it with him. I felt weird making the decision that Josh will live out the rest of his life with one kidney.

I hope I made the right decision. I hope Josh understands why I made it. I hope Josh agrees with my decision and doesn't resent me or is angry with me. I made the decision because I thought this was the best chance he had to feel like his old self.

I love you Josh!

First tooth!

Ethan's first tooth has finally pushed through the gum. It is his lower left. On Monday I could see the white line and today it is up through the gum. I know this because he bit my finger. I can't believe how quickly a baby grows.

His Nana took him to kindermusik today. They had a good time.

Go Sox!

Game 1 of World Series.

Pulling forward

Well, Mr. Ethan has figured out how to drag himself forward to get to a toy. Crawling can't be that far away. He is really cute to watch as he sees something he wants and he tries to figure out what combination of rolling, stretching, and pulling himself forward will achieve his goal. He can't get very far pulling himself, but he is good at rolling. He uses this interesting technique of rolling until he can't go any further, twisting his body and rolling again. He makes a zigzagging pattern until he can finally reach his object of desire, which is usually something he can't have like electrical cords, wireless receiver, fireplace screen or the cats.

I love watching him grow!

A walk in the woods

Wednesday was a lovely fall day. The air was crisp and clear. The perfect day for a walk in the woods. Ethan and I drove a mile down the road to Long Hill. I strapped him into his hiking backpack loaded him onto my back and off we went for a 1.5 mile hike in the woods. It was just lovely until we came upon a dreaded legless creepy creature as long as my arm. UGH! I don't just dislike snakes, I have a phobia of them. Usually when I see a snake on a hike, I scream bloody murder and run down the path as fast as I can. Something that one shouldn't do with a 7 month old strapped to your back. So I just stood and muttered swears under my breath while trying to get my heart to slow to a normal rhythm. The snake was just lying coiled up sunning itself on the dry leaves about a foot from the path. I considered turning around, but I was already more than half way done. I considered walking on the path right next to the snake. Too risky, what if he lunged at my ankle! I looked to the left of the path where there was a rotten log that I could walk across. What if there were snakes hidden on the log? Where there is one there is bound to be more. Finally, I decided to walk across the log. I made it passed the snake and walked briskly off while trying very hard not to look at the ground for any more snakes.

Other than the snake, it was a lovely hike, and despite the snake, I'll probably go again. I might start walking with a bell to warn off any creepy reptiles of my approach. It is times like that that I wish I had a dog. You never see a snake when hiking with a noisy mutt.

Salem

Salem is a nightmare right now and it is still 2 weeks until Halloween. Yesterday, I wanted to drive to Whole Foods to pick up some baby food for Ethan. Well after sitting in traffic for half an hour and still in Salem, I gave up. I should have kept going because it took me half an hour to just to go around the block to head back home. I probably could have been to the store by then. Crazy! I don't see what the attraction is for tourists to flock to Salem. The city murdered women because of witch histeria and people flock to it at Halloween to see what? It is a cute city with yummy restaurants and some interesting museums. I wish people would visit for those reasons and not because of the witch trials.

Ethan is super cute. 7 months is a great age. He can sit up and stay sitting up while playing with objects. We have a pumpkin that he loves to pat and touch. He also likes to suck on apples. I love the fall and there are so many interesting things to share with him.

Top ten

Our next door neighbors' baby boy was born this week. I felt a tad nostalgic. Ethan was so cuddly, and soft. Then I remembered how he really needed his "4th trimester," and how LOUD a little 8 pounder can be. I was thinking it would be kind of fun to write the 10 things I now know about babies that would have been good to know, rather than figuring out as we went along.

These are in no particular order.

1. Baby poop comes in all sorts of colors. Green (believe it or not) is nothing to be worried about.
2. It is okay for baby to sleep at night in his car seat. Sleeping is the important issue not where.
3. Cribs are not necessary for the first 3 months of life.
4. A cradle/co-sleeper is essential. I think for our next baby I'd like to get a cradle that attaches to the side of the bed.
5. Breast lanolin is useless and babies don't like it. At least mine didn't like it.
6. Gel pads rock and are a necessity for the 1st 2 weeks of breast feeding.
7. Buy a breast pump before baby is born. It will be necessary to stimulate flow and to allow hubby to feed baby.
8. Sleep when you can get it. This is really hard to do as an adult, but you eventually become so exhausted you can sleep during the day/sitting up on the couch.
9. Swaddling is an art form. I never perfected it, but Josh did.
10. Really check out the activity mat, bouncy seat, and swing you register for. Look at how the baby will be buckled in. Look at the toys (do they look like dog chew toys?)

That's just some of the things I have learned over the last 7 months.

Apple picking

We had a nice weekend. We went to my Mom's open studio on Saturday and saw lots of art and had our family portrait taken. It was a total impromptu photo session, but it came out really well for not planning outfits, hair, etc. Ethan of course is the star and makes the photo. Ethan is in his Red Sox onesie to celebrate the Red Sox making the playoffs and winning the division.

On Sunday we went apple picking, and posed Ethan in the pumpkin patch for the quintessential fall baby photo. The orchard was absolutely packed with people. We had a good time despite the hordes of people. However, we were unable to get any cider donuts due to the long lines. :( I'm sure we will get some this season. I made ribs in the slow cooker for dinner. mmmm...

Rolling, Rolling, Rolling

First, let me say I give up using initials. This is my blog and I've decided to use first names hence forth. I'm not all that exciting so I doubt I'm stalker worthy.

Ethan has discovered the log roll is a great way to get around a room to obtain something that looks interesting to him. Interesting equals something tasty for the mouth. This morning we were in the living room, I was sipping my coffee and he was rolling about, which was brought to an abrupt end by rolling into our oak coffee table. Poor little E. Bear bumped his forehead. We snuggled on the couch with a bag of peas on his forehead for a bit. He's going to have a bruise. First of many Josh said, but I still felt badly that I couldn't protect him from hurting himself. I know accidents will happen, but as a Mommy I feel so responsible for every little bump. I want to be his great protector, which I know is an unreasonable expectation. It must come with being a Mom.

8 year wedding anniversary

Eight years ago today J and I stood in front of our families and friends and declared our love and dedication to each other. I barely recognize the baby faced couple in our wedding pictures. For our one year anniversary we went hiking in Scotland, one anniversary Josh cooked dinner (he picked up the ingredients and bouquet of flowers on his bicycle), for our fifth year anniversary we stayed at a B&B, and last year we went out for a fancy dinner in downtown Beverly. This year was completely different. I made dinner, mulled apple cider, and peach cobbler for dessert all while entertaining E. Bear. I cut the butter into crumbles while holding a crying baby. We ate dinner while J. bounced E. on his lap. We ate our cobbler after E. Bear was fast asleep. No fancy outfits -- PJs for Josh and spit up upon clothing for me. Our life has changed so much since the addition of the baby. It is 9 pm and I'm ready for bed. It is amazing how much having a child changes your lifestyle.

Happy Anniversary to my best friend and love!

Kindermusik and 6 month checkup

Busy week here at Chez Tigermommy. E. bear and I started Kindermusik on Tuesday. It was an enjoyable experience of singing, moving about and seeing other babies. E. bear is the youngest in the class, but I think he will still gain something from the experience. His head was basically on a swivel the whole class taking in the room and all the people. He fell asleep as soon as he was strapped into his carseat afterwards.

On Wednesday we went for his 6 month checkup. It is hard to believe he is 6 months old. He weighed in at 18.5 pounds and 27 inches long. He also had the third round of vaccinations, which created over 24 hours of clingy whinning baby. We all survived and he was back to his happy self on Friday just in time for his Nana S to watch him for the day.

This evening we are going out for fondue which might be a dangerous proposition with a baby. Hot cheese and attached baby don't mix. We shall see how this works.

Cleaning

When I found out I was pregnant back in July 2006, I didn't feel comfortable using our cleaning supplies to scrub the bathroom and kitchen. I didn't want to inhale the fumes from the clorox soft scrub and mildew fighter. So the ever helpful Hubby took over the cleaning of the bathrooms and kitchen. Eventually, I became to pregnant to get down on my hands and knees to scrub floors etc. After the c-section we hired a cleaning service to come every other week to clean the house, and we kept the service until after my boards. Well, my life of luxury has ended, and I am back to cleaning. It is nice to do it the way I like it, but it is exhausting! I cleaned both bathrooms and scrubbed the kitchen floor, and tried to tidy up the garage this weekend. I also fixed the garage door opener. Woo hoo! No more backbreaking hoisiting of a heavy door. So many things haven't been cleaned for quite awhile. My next goal is to vacuum the cellar stairs and sweep down there. I might also tackle the cat peed futon mattress while the weather is still nice enough to drag it outside.

E. bear is as cute as ever. I'm slowly packing up the 3-6 month clothing and bringing out his fall and winter wardrobe. Needless to say his bedroom is in transition with all the clothing piles. He had peas for the first time this morning. They smelled awful, but he didn't seem to mind at all. He rubbed them around his highchair tray and gobbled up the spoonfuls. I think we will try avocado next.

Blueberry picking

Nana, Bogie, E. bear and I went blueberry picking yesterday up in NH. I had wanted to use my back carrier for E. bear. I thought if I wore him in the front he'd have a faceful of blueberry bush and I might fall over into the bush as I was picking. We had a dry run at home, where I got all the straps just right and showed him in the full length mirror what we looked like. I walked about the house and he did seem to enjoy it.

Well, the love of the carrier didn't extend to the fields. We got our buckets and walked out to blueberry fields and he was enjoying himself, bouncing and making noise. But as soon as I stopped to pick blueberries, there was tears and crying. I took the pack off and had him just sitting in it on the ground, but that wasn't good enough. So I carried him and picked blueberries. Eventually, he wanted to nurse, so we sat in between the rows of blueberries and nursed in the grass. It was very idyllic sitting in the grass in the sun surrounded by yummy blueberries. After awhile my arm was getting really tired from carrying him. After conferring with my Mom that the farm is organic and doesn't spray pesticides, I laid him down in the grass between the rows. He happily talked to himself and pulled at the grass while I continued to pic. At one point I looked down to check on him and he had sprigs of clover and grass coming out of his mouth, which I promptly removed.

I picked 3.14 pounds. I froze most of it and I'm going to make a bluebery crumble for dessert tonight.

Labor Day at Cranes Beach

I took E. bear to the beach for the first time today. We went with his Nana and Papa. The water was very warm, but at 60 degrees still too cool for the little guy to go in. We did stick his feet in though, and he cried. My parents took me to the beach for the first time when I was his age (about 6 months) and I screamed and cried too. I think it is fairly common to be scared and overwhelmed at the sight of the ocean. I can't imagine what it must be like to be that little and to see this immense body of water and have it rolling towards you. Mom and I did go all the way in and we went swimming. E. bear checked out the sand with his toes, nursed a bit, and took a nap. It was a very pleasant day.

For dinner we went to Nana and Grumpa's. I went swimming in the pool and E. bear had his feet dipped in the pool. More crying. Poor little guy! He had a good time sitting on his grandparents' laps and trying to grab the whip cream container. We forgot to bring cereal and veggie for E. though, and he had to go without tonight. We are beginner parents and we didn't even think to bring his dinner. He'll survive, but I feel badly.

Learning how to be a parent is quite the learning experience. By the time we get it all figured out he will be leaving for college. Or maybe you never get it all figured out and keep learning things as your child gets older and your relationship with each other gets redefined.

E. bear's Dad gave him a bath solo for the first time tonight. I had to shower to wash all the salt and chlorine off, which left his Dad with the job of washing baby. They both survived, and all the splashed water was easily cleaned up.

Rolling! Back to Front

So I'm riding the commuter train home and my cell phone rings. It is my darling husband telling me E. Bear rolled and, unfortunately, no one was there to witness it. Two of my fears have now been achieved. 1. I wouldn't be home when he rolled for the first time. 2. No one would be in the room with him to see him do it. :( The story goes E. was in the living room and his Dad was in the office on his computer, Dad noticed it was quiet in the living room, he goes in, and finds E. on his stomach. Dad rolls him back to his back and he rolls again to his front.

I'm so proud of the little guy, but I wish I had been there to cheer him on. I feel like a traitor to him when I go to work. I'm disappointed. It's not like what I do at work matters to anyone, but seeing E. roll for the first time would have been important to both of us.

A gold star for E. and a black mark for Mommy.

A month recap

Wow, I can't believe it has been a month since I last posted. My life was totally consumed by the medical genetics board exam I had to take last week. I'm so glad it's over. I won't find out if I passed until November! What a way to make or break the holiday season. Poor little E. was quite neglected by his Tigermommy, but he had his Daddy to play and snuggle with. I basically was a study and feed baby machine. I'd go to the library for 3 hours, come home nurse E., and go right back to the library for a month straight.

E. is as cute as ever. He still hasn't rolled, but he is eating cereal, sweet potato, and carrots. He has tried pears and bananas but they weren't so well received. He splashes in the bathtub when taking a bath, and sleeps on his side (just like me). He loves to babble, and he loves, loves, loves his doorway jumper. He bounces while I make dinner with a huge grin on his face. He is really getting into the cats too. He likes to pet Aida and watch them walk around. Aida is very good with him, even when he grabs her hair and pulls.

Oh, and I have been on two job interviews. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

July 23rd -- Solids

My little E bear started solids on July 23rd at 19 weeks of age. He had spent the last week staring at us as we eat and opening his mouth while at the dinner table. So we decided to debute the rice on Monday. He gobbled it right up, and then cried when he realized it was all gone. I think I made it too thin the first night. The second night I made too much. E. has no off switch and he ate the quarter of a cup and then an hour later spit it up. Poor little dude. Plus he didn't want to nurse before falling asleep for the night, which made me sad. I missed our snuggling and nursing. Tonight I made 3 tablespoons so he should still have a little room for nursing.

All grown-up

E slept in his crib in his own bedroom for the first time last night! I got a little watery eyed when we laid him down in it. E. has been with me for over a year and it was hard to have him in a different room. He woke up once during the night and his Dad put on his mobile to entertain him.

We bought that crib way back in November and he just slept in it. The crib is not as necessary as you think it would be. The baby really sleeps in a cradle in the parents' room for at least 4 months.

Family Reunion: Tamworth, NH

E. finally got to meet his great-grandparents and uncle and aunt this weekend. T. was there too. My parents rented a house in NH and invited the whole family up for the week. We went up Sunday. E.'s Dad came home Tuesday and we came home on Thursday.

We had a good time playing croquet, card games, and cooking meals. We even went on a boat ride on Lake Winnipesauke. E.'s first boat ride. The homes on the lake are just gorgeous. I liked the ones that had boat garages. T. and Mom went kayaking and frog catching in the little pond. I did some studying but not enough.

E. was held and snuggled all weekend by various family members. He seemed to like it but it meant no practice rolling. He seems to be waking up once during the night. Sometimes he is able to fall back asleep and others he cries and needs a little cuddle. On Monday night he just laid in his bed and giggled at 3:30. He thought it was fabulous he got to leave his crib and sleep with Mommy and Daddy. It was kind of cute. The more he giggled the more his Dad tickled and kissed him.

It was nice to see my Grandparents and hang out with the whole family.

Toes!

E. discovered his feet a couple of weeks ago. Well, this morning while lying on his changing table he discovered not only are they fun to play with and always available, but they reach his mouth and are tastey! I couldn't believe he could get it in his mouth, but he did. Everything goes in his mouth these days. Toys, stuffed animals, my hands, arms, highlighters, Dad's glasses, anything within reach.

E. had his 4 month appointment on Tuesday. He weighs 15.5 pounds and he is 26 inches long. He had three vaccinations. Poor kid screamed and cried. It must really burn. I gave him tylenol twice afterwards. He was a sleepy, grumpy bear.

E. has stopped sleeping through the night. Grrrr... He got up yesterday at 2:30 and 3:30 today. I hope he goes back to sleeping through the night.

First Cold

E has a cold and he got it from me. :( I have had a wicked cold for over a week now, and yesterday E started showing signs of it. Poor little guy. At first I thought I just had allergies but then it developed into a cold. E and I were in close contact with each other all week since his Dad was gone. So it was inevitable but I still feel badly that his first cold came from his Mom.

It must be hard not being able to blow one's nose, and the snot snatcher isn't all that fun to use for either one of us. I've been trying to get him to nap more. He seems to want to nurse more, which I think is for soothing more than food.

4 months old today! He is so close to rolling but not yet. One of his favorite activites is to sit in his bumbo and look around. He is over 14.5 pounds and is 24 inches long. I can't believe how much he has changed in such a sort amount of time.

The only adult

E's Dad is off to Panama for the week. He is a travel writer and gets to go to cool places. Pre Munchie I sometimes got to go with him, and we would have so much fun -- not just because it was pretty much free either.

This is his first trip since E was born, and therefor, the first time I'll be alone for an extended amount of time. I'll miss him like I always do when he travels, but I will really miss his help with E. I don't know how single Mothers do it. It is hard taking care of a baby and you need a break and adult conversation.

I think I need to start instituting a more regular nap schedule for E. Bear. My current methodology is to let him nap whenever he falls asleep on me. But this makes it hard for his Nanas when they watch him, and I'm sure it isn't fair for him to fall asleep on my lap because he is purely exhausted and Mommy missed all the earlier cues. Right now he will literally just fall asleep sitting up and then I say, "oh, I guess you are tired." He naps every 2-3 hours he is awake. I'm going to start trying to get him to nap at regular times every day rather than the current haphazard method.

101 Days

Mr. Munchie has been out in the world for 101 days! He has undergone (medically) so much, grown a ton, and developed so quickly in such a short amount of time. He looks and acts so different than he did as a newborn.

His personality is coming out more and more. He has to be the center of your attention and he gets very mad if he isn't. Case in point, yesterday I was typing an email while sitting next to him on the floor and he knew I wasn't giving him my complete attention and he started to cry. As soon as I would look at him he would stop, but the minute I started typing again the water works would start.

He is really into looking around now. He likes to look at picture books. He could care less about the story but he loves to look at the pictures and bang on the book with his hand. I read "Barnyard Dance" 3xs yesterday. We had dinner at the mall last night and he just took it all in. He really likes to look at the food on your plate when he is sitting on your lap. One of these days he's going to make a grab for it. Unfortunately he also likes to watch tv, which makes watching the Red Sox difficult. We really don't want him staring at the screen but he will swivel his head to see the tv even after you change his position so he isn't looking at the tv.

Laughing

Munchie laughed today. He was on my leg playing airplane and he just kept looking down at me and laughing and smiling. It was really sweet. It was the first time I heard him really laugh because he was having a good time. He's still not interested in rolling. I keep rolling him and sometimes he enjoys it and sometimes he cries. I think he is strong enough to do it. We'll just keep practicing.

Today was our last Mommy and Baby group at the hospital. I really enjoyed it in the beginning when I was learning how to take care of E because it normalized what was going on. But we soon outgrew it when I didn't need the affirmation that E wasn't the only one in the world who did X, Y, and Z. It was nice to be able to give advice to the Moms with newborns. I would have liked to go to the older baby group but it is on Thursdays when I work.

Today I left my favorite pink fleece behind at the hospital. When I went back for it after lunch it was gone. I've had that fleece since our trip to Switzerland. I shall miss it.

Happy Father's Day

E gave his Daddy a weed whacker and work gloves for his Daddy's first Father's Day. We bought the gloves on the Cape a couple of weeks ago and the weed whacker on Wednesday. We had a busy Father's day. He started off the morning early. Unfortunately, he was naughty and didn't let his Daddy sleep in. He woke his Dad up around 5 am. Mommy has a tremendous ability to just not hear him. Oops. I can pretty much sleep through anything, but I seem to wake up when he is hungry for whatever reason, but not when he is just awake. In the afternoon we went to Grumpa and Nana's for a cookout/pool party. It was really hot, and I didn't bring my suit, which I regretted. The cousins all seemed to enjoy the pool. Poor E was just too warm. We ended up sitting inside for a bit.

His new talent is to grab his feet and roll over onto his side. He still isn't rolling front to back. He is really working his tummy muscles now that he can grab his feet. I think he'll start rolling in the next week or two.

Yesterday, Papa, Nana, and cousin T came over for a cookout. We had fun playing bocci ball. We had T wear his bike helmet so he didn't get brained running about while we were bowling. Much fun was had by all.

Other 3 month pictures

Working Girl

So I went back to work on Friday and E., Dad, Nana, and I all survived. E. took 3 bottles and I managed to pump and talk about my baby without crying. The train ride was nice. I actually got some reading in for my board exam.

Not much going on this week. E had his 3 month old pics taken yesterday. Father's Day is this Sunday so E and I have some errands to run today since I work the rest of the week.

3 months old

Where does the time go? E. is 12 weeks old today, and I am returning to work on Friday. He is such a fabulous baby. Things he can do: suck his thumb, coo, make razzing noises with his tongue, shake his rattle, sleep 8 hours at night, sleep on his back in his cradle, pull a string attached to a balloon, bat at toys over head, follow me as I walk by, push up with his arms during tummy time, hold his head straight when on my shoulder, smile, and tell me stories. I wish he would stop spitting up so much, and he has started coughing again during his sleep. Poor little guy. My wish is for his reflux to get better so we can get rid of the machine, and he will be able to keep all his hard won food in his tummy. Sometimes he gets so frustrated after spitting up.

This weekend was pretty low key. We went for 2 morning walks, a plant sale at Long Hill, visited Nana and Grumpa, mowed the lawn, studied cancer syndromes, and hung out.

E. is currently napping in his car seat. His Dad is off having his deviated septum repaired. I feel guilty leaving him at the hospital for his surgery. I wouldn't like it if it was me, but he repeatedly said he was okay with me and E. to go home and return at 1 to pick him up.

Work

I thought I had worked out a sweet part-time job in the research lab I used to work in before graduate school. I contacted my old boss in February before E's arrival, and he had a project in mind for me etc. I contacted him at the end of April and he still seemed keen on having me back. I then contacted him last week to firm up the details and he tells me he needs a week to think about it. Then yesterday he tells me it isn't going to work out because he just hired a new fellow, but maybe in 3-4 months. I feel like I was misled and strung along.

So what do I do now? Go back to my old job where my boss doesn't speak with me and both of my friends are now gone after quitting their jobs? Go back to a place with a bad work environment? Is it up to me to determine what I should do with my 16 hours a week and what I should drop?I don't even care about what I was doing there. I want to try being a full-time genetic counselor but I don't want to put E in full time day care at 3 months either, maybe when he is 2 or 3 but then we will probably be on our way to baby #2. I'll never get a job if I'm pregnant. Then it will be another 2-3 years, and my skills will have fallen by the wayside and no one will want to hire me after 6 years. Should I just become a fulltime mother and forget about my 18 years of schooling, which is hard to do when paying off school loans until I'm 80? Am I being overly dramatic? Lots of babies go into fulltime daycare and do just fine, but I will miss him. But he won't be my baby forever. Who will I be when he is 18 and goes off to college if I don't have a career?

Hubby says not to let money be a factor in my decision, and my contribution to the family will not be monetary, which is very kind. But let's be honest I like to buy things and go out to eat and go on vacation and shop at Whole Foods, etc. All things that would be easier to justify the expense if I also made money.

But do I really want someone else to raise my child? Will he be stimulated enough? Will someone at daycare cuddle him all day like me (mainly because he has suddenly become adverse to napping in his craddle)? Will he be left to cry all alone in a crib? Just thinking about it makes me cry. Bleck, tearing up over a blog entry.

I guess that is my answer. I want E to feel nurtured and loved and I don't think a daycare will do it the way he likes. I guess I'm willing to sacrifice myself for that.

But this doesn't answer the question about my crappy job. I guess I will just go back and see how much it sucks. This saga is to be continued...

Cape Cod with Nana and other Memorial Day exploits

E and I have been busy this past week. We had a house guest Saturday-Monday -- Bogie the Corgie, Nana and Papa's dog. We went for 2 walks with Bogie and we discovered E likes the baby Bjorn. We also played mini golf on Sunday, which is kind of hard with a sleeping baby in a stroller. Mini golf places are not stroller or wheelchair friendly. We had to carry the stroller up and down lots of stairs. On Monday we went to a parade and a cookout. Munchie slept through the firing of the cannon. He will sleep through anything!

On Tuesday I packed up baby and myself and drove to the cape for an overnight with Nana, who had rented an efficiency for the week at the Holly Tree Resort. We arrived around 12:30 on Tuesday. We drove and walked around Hyannis, hung out by the pool, and had dinner back in the room. Munchie was really into checking out his new surroundings. There was one wall completely covered in a mirror, and he spent lunch on Nana's lap checking himself out in the mirror. Around 7 pm he was really fidgety and not nursing well. There was just too much to look at from the red diamond pattern on the couch to Nana. I was getting worried I wouldn't be able to settle him down to sleep the night. I decided to use his Daddy's trick of a dark room. So I took him into the bathroom, shut the door, nursed him a bit on the toilet (another bizarre nursing location) and rocked him. He eventually fell asleep and stayed asleep until 4.

Mom and I were going to sleep on the pullout couch until we discovered that you could feel every spring of the "mattress" and the metal support bars. So we had to move Munchie while he was sleeping in his pack n play to in front of the couch so we could pull out the murphy bed. I had an okay night sleep. Mom snored, baby made noise, and his machine went off once because of a loose lead. The most annoying thing was that he wouldn't settle back down after nursing so we laid on the couch until 6. We went off for an early breakfast at the Keltic Kitchen. E fell asleep while Mom and I dined on pecan raisin bread french toast and cheddar cheese pancakes. Afterwards E and I slept in the room for a couple of hours while Mom went off to paint. She accidentally drained her car battery and had to have some burly men from a fish store jump her car. After lunch we drove to Chatham and shopped. E did well but he wanted to be carried in the bjorn so we used his stroller to carry our purchases.

We went for dinner at Salty's and E fell asleep. I thought he'd stay asleep for the ride off the cape home. I ran into the hotel room to get the rest of our belongings but I returned to the car to discover him crying and Nana trying to comfort him. So we went back to the room where he nursed and Nana dressed him in his pjs. The drive home was fairly uneventful. E fell asleep about 5 minutes into the drive and slept until 4. Hubby/Daddy was happy to see us home.

And that was Munchie's first vacation. He did so well!

No swim suit for me

Argh! Buying a bathing suit is hard. It is something I always dread, and for such a hated piece of clothing it is wicked expensive! It isn't that my body looks all ugh after being pregnant. It is a little flabby but not embarassing. It is my breasts. They are a tad large -- like DD/E large. I tried on lots and lots of tankinis and one pieces and NOTHING would cover my breasts. I don't like when they sag out of the sides. It just looks and feels ridiculous. And it isn't that I was all about buying sizes I used to fit in. I tried all the way up to a 14 before giving up.

Munchie was very good in the beginning. But then he started to get ideas about eating the more he saw me taking my clothes off. So there I was in a Kohl's dressing room in my undies, perched on the little bench nursing. Munchie is a heavy breather and slurps a bit when he is hungry. I wonder what he sounded like to the other women who had no idea what was going on in our little stall. He probably sounded like a pervert with his heavy breathing. I tried talking to him so they would know I was feeding my baby. But I'm not sure if "is that good?" or "such a hungry little man" is any better.

Then we went to his Nana's and Grumpa's. He was much adored by all including his Auntie Lisa. I actually left him in the care of his Nana and went with Lisa and the kids to get ice cream. I feel comfortable leaving him with others. I know they will take good care of him and that I need a break too, but it is hard not to constantly be with him.

It is a zillion degrees here today. Munchie is sleeping naked except for his diaper. I took him down to the basement to cool off a bit, and now he is asleep in the pack 'n play.

Lonely

One of the things that I found most shocking after becoming a Mom is the loneliness. I always thought it would be awesome not to have to go to work and just hang out at home. It is, however, incredibly lonely and isolating. I love taking care of and spending time with Munchie, but I get bored easily. I end up calling Munchie's Dad at work to give him baby updates throughout the day. (One of the reasons we went over our cell minutes last month. Oops!) I don't think his Dad likes to hear about all the trivial stuff like our cat ate our dinner (steak) that I had taken out to thaw or that Munchie is in his 3rd outfit of the day because he is super poopy today, but he humors me because he loves me and knows I'm lonely. Today I called everyone I know and chatted on the phone. (There goes all our cell minutes.) At one point I had my exhausted son strapped screaming in his carseat all ready to go somewhere, anywhere. I looked down and noticed his droopy eyes and just how exhausted he was, and I thought how insensitive I was being to him. So I unstrapped him and laid him in his cradle, where he is now sleeping much more comfortably than in his carseat. I'm on the bed with Lily, our kitty (not the steak eating one), and thinking about how I conduct my state of affairs.

I don't think it's loneliness, but the change of pace of my life. Instead of being busy with projects and meetings, I only have the demands of my son. His demands are food, sleep, keep him clean and safe, and play. He lives at a much slower pace than I did when I was working. At work all my time had to be filled up, and now it isn't scheduled up. Munchie takes long naps, his play time consists of smiling at himself in a mirror for 10-15 minutes. I think I'd like to learn to live my life like him. He doesn't need material things or constant excitment. A simple helium balloon entertained him.

I have right now what I've always dreamed of. I have a husband who loves me, whom I can talk with, and who laughs at my "jokes", and we have an awesome son. We live in a nice house, and my parents live close enough that I can see them whenever. I think I need to learn to live in the moment and to live slowly. Life shouldn't be go, go, go, what can I do now, but enjoying what I do have and my time with my guys.

My goal will be to slow down and enjoy just being with my family. How many times in my life will I not have an obligation to a job? No meetings, no deadlines, just living at the pace of a 2.5 month old.

One if by breast, two if by plastic

There is just one light shining from the steeple here at chez Tigermommy's. Mr. Munchie dislikes the bottle. I bought practially every type of bottle and nipple that Baby's R Us sells, and none of them suited him. We spent an hour this morning trying them all. Some he gags on, some he sort of chews on, and none were good enough to latch onto. Mr. Munchie is going to be one hungry dude on my first day back to work. The lactation consultant at the Mommy's group told me I'm starting late introducing the bottle. She also said he just might not eat the first day I go back to work. Great, exactly what I needed to hear. It will be hard enough leaving him, taking the train into Boston, and working for 8 hours, but now I know he will be at home starving. No guilt here! I will just keep pumping and we will keep trying the bottles.

So remember for the next baby. Start the bottle much, much earlier than 10 weeks.

Right now he is staring, smiling and cooing at the milar helium balloon I tied to his bouncy chair. He thinks it is cool. He really needs a nap, which he doesn't think is so cool. He also needs a diaper change, which I don't think is so cool.

Rock-a-bye baby

Munchie slept in a cradle last night. I should be elated, but it proved to be a restless night for us all. He woke up every couple of hours (12:30, 4, and 5). He also moved around a lot, tried to suck his thumb, and just made a lot if noise. So score 1 for sleeping one night out of the car seat and minus 5 for wiggling about and waking up during the night.

Even though he was eating every couple of hours I was able to put him down in the cradle afterwards and he'd fall back asleep. I followed one of the parenting books' advice of nursing in the dark, not talking to him or changing his diaper. It seemed to work, but we had a little trouble finding my nipple in the dark. OUCH!

He was crying a lot this morning at 5. There was no way he could be hungry so I pulled my pillow over my head while his Dad tried to soothe him. He eventually fell back asleep until 7:30.

In other firsts he took a bottle from his Dad yesterday. Apparently, there was some screaming, falling asleep hungry and exhausted, and finally resigning himself to the bottle. He also had a bath without screaming. Hmmm... we shall see if any of this is repeatable.

10 weeks old today.

A thumb! I have a thumb!

Yesterday morning Munchie discovered that he has a thumb and that it works pretty well as a sucker. It happened while I was getting my breakfast and he was in his bouncy chair. I turned around to check on him and he had his right thumb in his mouth. It was very cute. He never was interested in a pacifier. He would choke on them and spit them out -- a bit of a drama queen. Unfortunately for him today he can't seem to find the elusive thumb that was there yesterday, so he's been sucking on his knuckles. Very funny.

His poor father yesterday had a really rough time. I was off at the library studying for my board exam in August, and the guys were at home. Everything started out okay. They had some play time and Munchie took a nap. However, we all know what happens when Munchie wakes up -- munching time and heaven help you if the food is delayed. They struggled with two different bottles for an hour before my presence was requested back at home and quickly. I came home and nursed and then went to Panera to study for a bit longer. I'm supposed to return to work in 3 weeks so this bottle feeding is something we are going to have to work on every day. The guys are off to Munchie's Nana's for bottle feeding instruction and support this afternoon.

Sleeping has been pretty bad too. Last night he was up 1:30-4:30 and then up again at 7:30. His Dad and I are exhausted today.

So many issues to tackle. The question is do we attempt to correct them all at once or focus on one at a time. The three big issues are 1) bottle feeding 2) sleeping at night in car seat and 3) not sleeping through the night.

New car and sleeping

Last night we picked up our new Saturn Vue and went for frozen yogurt to celebrate. (We can always find a reason to go to Capn Dusty's.) It is the first time we have purchased a new car in our entire lives. It is nice and shiny and has that new car smell. Munchie's stroller is already inside and a car seat base was installed by a nice Saturn worker. It is indeed an SUV, but a small one with decent gas mileage. We always thought our next car would be a hybrid or get 30 miles to the gallon. However, a hybrid's engine just doesn't have the pep I need to get onto 128 without being crushed by cars doing 70, and cars that get great gas mileage are tiny. Babies may be small and compact, but their gear is not, and we needed enough trunk space to haul a stroller and groceries.

On to my next topic -- sleep. Little Munchie for almost a week was sleeping 7 hours, but it kept getting less and less. Last night he got up at 2. UGH! I fed him in bed, changed his diaper and hopped back in bed to continue nursing. He ate his fill and laid there cooing and playing with his arms and legs. He was actually using his arms and legs to scoot over to me so he could continue to suckle -- not to eat but just to have in his mouth. I have a low tolerance for that. I'm not a toy and it hurts when it isn't actual nursing. By 4 I'd had enough and to his Dad he went. The little bugger fell asleep after 15 minutes of walking around.

I'm hoping that nice long sleeping stretch makes a comeback. I'd also like to work on getting him to sleep in a cradle or his crib -- enough with the car seat.

Wails of Despair

Most days Munch follows a routine, but then along come days like this when his shrieks due to his perceived abandonment make me so frustrated.

Our morning routine consists of diaper change and feeding around 5. Then Mommy is allowed to put him down in his bouncy seat for coffee and breakfast. Then another feeding, medicine, some snuggling, and then he lies in his crib and watches his mobile while I shower and dress. Then its his turn to get cleaned up and dressed. By then he likes to eat again.

Today he woke up at 3. I fed him, changed him, and rocked him for over an hour. He was wide awake and trying to charm me with huge smiles. But I was tired so into his crib he went to watch his mobile. I got up 3 times to reswaddle the little Houdini and restart the mobile. Finally, his Dad got up and took him downstairs where he promptly fell asleep in his play pen. Fast forward to 6ish, when I get up. He is hungry so I make my breakfast and feed him while eating. I give him his medicine, which I think came back up with all his spitting up. It is now 9 am and he is eating again. He refuses to be put down so I can shower. All he does is wail. I tried him in the play pen, crib (swaddled and unswaddled), bouncy seat, car seat, and on me in the baby carrier -- all result in "mommy how could you do this to me" shrieks of despair.. It is so frustrating. I'd love to brush my teeth and put my contacts in. 3 hours of straight holding him. My arms are killing me. I can't even get him out of his pjs. Please let me have enough patience to survive the day.

Adventures in breastfeeding

I'm sure I'll write that title a lot as my blog gets under way, especially since feeding your child by breast is hard and trying to have a bit of decorum in public makes it even harder.

Yesterday, I was feeling a bit stir crazy in the house, and I needed a new nursing bra, so off to the mall I took my little Munchie. He slept and slept until I was wandering around Talbots wondering if I would ever again wear clothes that weren't cheap cotton shirts able to withstand my son's battle with reflux. Munchie started to stir then the stirring turned to grunts then my little 12 pounder let out lots and lots of pooping farts. Ah, the sight of ladies' heads swiveling over the racks to look in my direction, and of course, they couldn't see the stroller just my head. We left quickly, and I began the debate of changing him at the mall or driving the 15 minutes home. I decided to change him, so to Macy's we went. He had had a complete blow out -- diaper, onesie, pants, car seat, socks all of it. During the changing he started to cry, par for the course when I have to take his clothes off, but the echo of his cries off all the tile really frightened him and the crying turned to an ear piercing wail made worse by the echo. Finally he was clean and he wanted to do what Munchie does best -- MUNCH.

When he wants to eat it has to be right at that second. There is no distracting him, no putting him off for even 1 minute. Luckily for me the women's bathroom had a lounge. Granted the white leather and chrome couch had seen better days decades earlier. It didn't matter. It was exactly what we needed. I could care for my hungry son and not have to put a blanket over his head. Obviously, I'm all for breastfeeding and I plan to do it for the full year. However, I find that people in the US stare or sneak peaks at a breastfeeding mom. Breasts are so taboo that people don't know what to do as a woman uses them as nature intended in public. So yes, I cover up his head when I breastfeed in public. But there in the lounge I felt safe. Thank you Macy's!!!!

Anyways, we finished up and continued our shopping. He gives great clothing advice for a 2 month old. He gave me a huge smile when I tried on a green top in what used to be my size pre-Munchie, but I think he just liked the way his food source was popping it out. Someday I'll be a medium again.